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The Problem:
Biting another child is one of the more unacceptable aggressive
behaviors children may engage in. The parent of the child who
has been bitten is usually very upset and worried about the risk
of infection. If biting occurs in a child-care setting, the
parents of the other children may want the biter expelled. If it
happens in another child’s home, the biter often is told never
to return. Most children first learn to bite by doing it to
their parents in a playful manner. It is very important to
interrupt this primitive behavior at an early stage.
Biting is usually a chance discovery around 1 year of age, at a
time when teething and mouthing are normal behaviors. It often
continues because the parents initially think it is cute, and
the child considers it a game to get attention. Later, around 2
or 3 years, children may bite when they are frustrated or want
something from another child. At this age, when children have
minimal verbal skills, biting becomes a primitive form of
communication. Only after 2 or 3 years of age con it become a
deliberate way to express anger and intimidate others.
The Solution:
Establish a
rule that “We never bite people.” Give your
child a reason for the rule, namely that biting hurts. Other
reasons, which won’t interest him, are that bites can lead to
infection or scarring. Although you child may not fully
understand the reason for the rule until around 3 years of age,
he can understand the consequences of breaking it at any age
beyond 8 – 12 months.
Interrupt
biting with a sharp “No.” Be sure to use an
unfriendly voice, and look your child straight in the eye. Try
to interrupt her when she looks as if she might bite somebody,
before she actually does it. Extra close supervision may be
necessary until the biting stops.
Never laugh
when your child bites, and never treat it like a game.
Make sure older siblings follow your lead. Remember that the
best time to stop biting from becoming a habit is when it first
starts. Also, never give in to your child’s demands because he
bites. Since it is not unusual for biting to occur in child-care
settings, be sure the providers understand your approach and are
willing to apply it.
Suggest a safe
alternative behavior. Tell your child that if
she wants something she should come to you and ask for help or
point to what she wants, rather than biting the person who has
it. If she bites when she is angry tell her, “When you are
angry, come and tell me.” If your child is at the stage when she
chews everything (usually less than 18 months of age), help her
choose a toy that she can bite rather than telling her she may
not bite anything. A firm toy or teething ring will do.
Encourage her to carry her “chewy” with her for a few days.
Give your
child a time-out for biting others. Send him to
a boring place for approximately one minute for ear year of his
age. If he attempts to bite you while you are holding him, say
“No.” always put him down immediately, and walk away (a form of
time-out). If time-out does not work, take away a favorite toy
for the remainder of the day.
Never bite back.
Biting back will make your child upset that you hurt her and may
teach her that it is OK to bite if you are bigger. Also, do not
wash out her mouth with soap, pinch her cheek, or slap her
mouth. In fact, if your child tends to be aggressive, avoid all
physical punishment, such as spanking. Also avoid “love bites,”
since your child will not be able to distinguish them from
painful biting.
Praise your child for not biting.
The most important time to praise him is in settings or with
particular children when he used to bite often. Initially, give
him a kind reminder about biting just prior to these high-risk
encounters. Then praise him afterward for good behavior.
Call our office immediately if:
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